Five Times Lithuania Had a Panic Attack
by JustMakeLeftTurns
Summary: Lithuania has a panic disorder. He battles panic attacks on his own throughout his existence.


**A/N: This is written through my own experience with both anxiety and panic attacks. There might be slight LietPol; if there is, that wasn't my intention. Also, I apologize if some of the dates are incorrect.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.**

* * *

Five Times Lithuania Had a Panic Attack

**One – 1385**

Lithuania sat outside, staring out at his land as the sun set. He worried his lip between his teeth. His boss wanted to marry Poland's boss. He wasn't sure what to feel about that. Sure, he needed an ally of some sort to help fight off the Teutonic Order, but … Poland? He didn't know much at all about the man. Not much at all.

He held his legs to his chest, resting his chin on his knees. What if Poland hated him? What if he said something stupid and made enemies with the other nation? What if he messed up what his boss was trying so hard to do – for him.

He couldn't do this. He couldn't go meet Poland tomorrow. He'd mess it up somehow. And wasn't Poland Catholic? What if he just tried to take over Lithuania's land like Russia had been doing? What if Poland tried to convert him?

Hands and arms shaking, Lithuania held his legs tighter to his chest. Why were his arms shaking? It wasn't cold. And – was that his heart racing? Was he having a heart attack? Was he going to die? No, nations couldn't die from something like that – or could they? He was going to die. Why? What was happening? Was it something happening to his people? No, no, it was him – completely him.

His breathing picked up. He tried to swallow, only to have to fight past a lump in his throat. What was happening? Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. He hid his face in his knees. He had to calm down. But what if he couldn't? What if he died? Who would find him? He'd be laughed at as a nation. He couldn't handle – was this a heart attack?

Twenty minutes later, the worst of it had passed. Lithuania felt cold. It suddenly seemed too quiet. His heartbeat was still a bit fast, but nowhere near the racing it had been before. Lithuania held out his hands. They no longer shook. He placed a hand over his heart, trying to figure out what had happened.

"Sir, are you alright?" someone asked him.

Lithuania nodded and faked a smile. "Of course. I was just about to go inside."

No one had to know how weak he was.

* * *

**Two – 1795**

Lithuania stood in the main room, staring out the window. It had been a couple of months since Russia had taken him from Poland. Every day, Lithuania stared out the window whenever he had the chance – he had learned not to get Russia angry, seeing as he had no weapons or troops – he waited for Poland to show up and rescue him.

But what if he never came? What if Lithuania was stuck doing servant's work in Russia's house the rest of his existence? He couldn't deal with that. What a horrible existence that would be. He hadn't been treated the best under Poland's care, but Poland was at least nicer than Russia. Would Poland ever come? Or had he tried and failed – dissolved? Oh, God, what if he was stuck there? What if Russia found him standing there at that moment and decided to beat him into submission, again, like the weakling he had suddenly become.

Lithuania tried to swallow back the tears, only to realize there was a choking feeling in his throat. He inhaled sharply and closed his eyes. He became overly aware of his heartbeat, which began racing faster and faster the more he focused on it. He felt dizzy and scared and – oh, please, God, don't let him pass out.

The thought scared him even more. What would Russia do if he passed out? Beat him? Give him extra chores even though he can barely keep up with his current load? Lithuania sat down on the couch. He placed his shaking hands over his mouth to keep himself quiet. He couldn't let Russia know of this weakness – was it a heart attack? He covered his face with his hands and took shaking breaks in an attempt to calm himself.

It didn't work.

It took ten minutes for this … "attack," whatever it was … to pass.

At least it wasn't a heart attack.

* * *

**Three – 1939**

Why couldn't Poland just listen to him? Why did Poland have to be so stupid? Because of him, Lithuania was overly worried. He'd had a nightmare, and for what? To have Poland not take the threat of being attacked seriously.

It was while he was in the bathroom after a shower that Lithuania noticed the telltale signs of an attack coming on. He tried to force them back, tried to remind himself everything would work out, tried to tell himself that Poland could handle himself. Nothing worked.

This one lasted twelve minutes.

* * *

**Four – 1960**

He couldn't take it. The horrible effects of the economy, the exiles and massacres of his people. How the remaining people in his land would take their own lives to escape. Oh, how he wished he had that option. At the same time, he felt like the weakest nation. He'd been controlled by other countries almost without any independence for centuries. He couldn't stop Russia from hurting his people. He couldn't help his people because he was stuck in Russia's house.

And there were the symptoms again.

This one lasted a whole forty minutes.

* * *

**Five – 1991**

He woke up suddenly. He wasn't sure why, until he realized he was shaking for no reason. Why was he shaking? He tried to go back to sleep, figuring he was only cold, but the choking feeling he'd still not become accustomed to returned. He tried to calm down his racing heart and fast-paced breathing.

Nothing worked.

Feeling suffocated, he sat up in bed as quickly and quietly as he could. He'd just wait it out, like he always did. But the effects didn't stop. His half-asleep mind wondered if it was a heart attack. A part of him wanted to go over into the next room and wake up Poland, but he stopped himself. It wasn't worth it. It was just a small setback. He'd get back to sleep eventually.

He took deep breaths. In for ten – was that his heart racing too fast way to fast oh God was he going to die is this a heart attack – out and hold for ten – still too fast he can't do this what if he really does die this time. Repeat.

The worst of it was over in fifteen minutes, but the symptoms lasted another hour.


End file.
